If you have been reading my blog, you know that I have been sick with Lyme Disease this summer. With the suspicion of "coinfections," I've had quite a bit of labwork done. They actually know me by face and name at Labcorp, and they even know which vein in my left arm gives quickest blood draw...
Anyway, my latest set of labwork indicated some protein that shouldn't have been in my blood, indicating a VERY serious illness, much worse than Lyme.
But the doctor said it's also possible that the Lyme threw off my numbers, and that I was fine...
So there was another set of labwork. And then, there was the waiting... A whole week of waiting to find out if I would have the opportunity to live a happy, healthy life.
Meanwhile, I scared the sh*t out of all my loved ones. And I found out that I have a TON of loved ones, and many people who care about me. And I realized how blessed I was. I have AMAZING people in my life. My brother was the bestest of the best -- he listened to me worry constantly... But so did many other friends...
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger..." I used to hate that expression. But this week, I became very aware that if I survived this week of utter hell, I would come out the other side a much better person...
I cannot go back to the girl that I was.
And that's not just a temporary thing.
I feel different, and I see the world differenly. Oddly, I'm grateful for having had this week of hell, but only because I'm going to survive.
I have had a week to reflect from a place of pure hell, and I've come out ok!
I have reflected on my entire life, and now I see it from a different perspective, something more holistic than that "annoyed" girl sitting in traffic on Six Forks Road, pissed off because she can't drive her Mitsubishi Lancer at 50 mph.
Last night, I went to a weekly "workout" at a friend's house. It was December 3rd, and yet it was 70 degrees outside, and beautiful. I could see every star in the sky from his backyard.
I skipped some of the workout, laid down in the grass, and looked up at the stars. And for the first time all week, I felt at peace. I sensed that everything would be ok.
It must have seemed strange, to my workout buddies. As they were punching bags, and doing painful things with weights, I was lying on in the grass, looking at the stars, and finding peace. I can only find that sort of peace outdoors. I love NATURE! After all, I AM the GREEN GIRL!
Last Saturday, I went to the mall and went to the Clinique counter and got a makeover. That's something I do when I feel bad -- I go to a makeup counter, get fixed up, and then spend a bunch of money on makeup. Half the time I return it later...
But I've realized that's silly. I am using "getting pretty" as a way to feel better, feeding on that mall consumption energy, when what I really should be doing to feel better is... Volunteering! Using my energy in a positive way!
I have SO MUCH to give the universe! I have SO MUCH good to share! And I have narrowly escaped death (or at least it feels that way...) I need to volunteer, give back, do something to make the world a better place for SOMEBODY, ANYBODY!
It's been 3 hours since I've learned that I'm healthy. I am currently sitting on my couch, drinking sparkling wine, and celebrating, quietly.
I will never go back to the person I was before this week, I am sure of it. I have so many blessings in my life, so many opportunities, so many amazing things, and so many amazing people. I couldn't be a luckier faerie princess. I could not have made it through without this week without my amazing friends and amazing family.
I live on a beautiful earth, and I have a beautiful life. I am the luckiest faerie princess on the planet.
Till next time,